Future Fortunes

I wrote new lyrics for a song yesterday, using several Chinese fortune cookie fortunes I've had stashed in my wallet, ones I've held onto for reason, in the vain hopes that one day they will come true...

I'm usually not prone to admit that anything I write is any good of any sort, considering my serious problems with self-esteem and self-criticism, but this time around I'm actually kinda content with the way its turning out.

This prompted me to order Chinese food, because one, it is delicious, and two, I needed more material.

The fortune read: "You do not need to worry about the future."

Wooooooo! Thank god, the pressure's off. Cause really that's all I've been worrying about for the past month.

In some way it did kind of put me at ease, or at least made me laugh. Perhaps a little sign from the universe.

...

Last night I attended my friend's punk/grind band's final performance at the local punk rock house.

Despite the fact I would never want to live in that house, and sometimes find going there a little unsettling, something about the show felt almost holy to me...

I was crammed against the doorway leading into the "stage" room, holding on for dear life as countless bodies slammed into my back, the crowd pushing and moshing around me, all sweat and BO and beer. People just giving into the aggressive noise, movement, movement, movement...

After the show I walked home and sat outside on the steps to my house, smoking cigarettes and basking in what was probably the first "normal" feelings I've had in sometime. The temperature held at slightly chilling, but something in the air reminded me of my vacation to Portland, Or, a couple years ago... slightly damp, and cold, yet I felt snug in my sweaters. I simply could not bring myself to go back inside my house. It felt almost like Spring was just around the corner, like any day now, even though its barely January, and there's still a ways to go with this winter.

...

There was also much discussion today at work for the planned expansion of the business I work for. Though it remains to be seen if (a. I stay at this job for a while, b. I do not move) one day I will be released from my basement servitude. There also seems to be some sort of "tunnel" idea, to connect to the new basement from the old one, if and when this expansion happens.

This idea excited me, for I started to imagine possibly living in said tunnel, having some secret hideaway only I knew about, or perhaps a tunnel much like an airport, complete with moving walkways, those escalator like treads that are on level ground.

One guy's only request was for a window to the outside world, which, if the new basement idea stays, he figured there would be a window, but only it would look out into the ground, i.e. a window to nothing but dirt.

Which I thought would actually be kinda cool for a little while, watching the worms and bugs and stuff digging around.