You Got Women on Your Mind

Go see it as soon as you can. If its still in theaters. Please. Wall*E is probably the greatest movie I've ever seen.

...


Remember when I said I'd be off doing something else, not thinking about girls? Yeah, well, that didn't happen.

I've been getting some disheartening texts lately. Law Four is almost declared.

Yesterday, the girl I've been so wrapped up in lately, decided to finally text me after a week of radio silence, to inform me she's back together with her recent ex. "Its real good..." Sigh. So much for that one. And she'll probably be at the show tonight, at the The Bar, so great, see ya then.

I also got asked out on a date recently. Which was kinda intriguing. I mean, how awesome is it when a girl asks me out? Totally awesome. I love when girls ask me out. Doesn't happen very often.

So I gave it a shot. She's a sweet girl, again, she's a young one. Some mildly awkward getting to know you conversation over a cup of tea. Then star gazing in a field. I can't say I felt major sparks going off, and its probably not a good idea to mention there's schizophrenia on both sides of your family, but honesty is always appreciated. I mean, girls are crazy enough as it is. But I'm not entirely sure if a second date is going to fly. And I'm still on the fence about the ring tone you chose for your phone. Bird calls? Could be considered cool by some... someone into watching birds perhaps, but I'm not sure I'm up for that kind of activity, unless maybe you could drink booze while doing it. Perhaps...

And just when I thought I couldn't lose anymore, the x decides to text me the dreaded news I've been waiting to hear... She will now be working back at the restaurant two days a week. So yeah, I'm this close to throwing my hands up, taking a knee, and just bowing out of the game for a while.

Like that will actually happen.

...

S.'s cat, Frankenstein, escaped last week. It was a major bummer, cuz S. is utterly attached to Franko. Distraught. I don't like seeing my friends that way. But thank the powers that be, cuz a week later, Sunday, Frankenstein came home.

...

I'm planning a vacation, finally. This time around I'll be heading Chicago way, to visit my old haunts, and see some good people. And then I'll be hanging with the family for a few days, which should be humerous, because they will get to meet Leonard in his full glory for the first time.

...

And I accidentally set my mustache on fire last night. Again. One of the scariest feelings in the world. Almost as bad as the feeling of realizing the water in the toilet is not going down, but the other direction.

Gaius' Four Laws of Potentiality

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Oh, man. Oh man, oh man.

I've been working on some theories, pertaining to my recent attempts to enter the world of dating again. Let us begin with Gaius' Four Basic Laws of Potentiality:

The First Law, the Law of Undeniable Denials: When one decrees that one shall in fact be ready to embark upon a new relationship of some sort, when one endlessly pines for love, and demands of the world their request for partnership of some sort, there shall be nothing on the horizon, nor any potentials of any sort, no matter how badly one wants something.

The Second Law, the Law of Happy Accidents: After months upon months of scouring every bar, coffee shop, and gasp, even their place of employment, and coming up empty handed, One will eventually decide that they no longer require such love. In fact, One will become content with solitude. One will find solace in being alone, and will no longer be lonely. Life shit will get done and One will feel accomplished, sort of. Until one bloody day, some stranger out of nowhere will somehow crash in to your life, and One will find themselves in a potential dating situation, despite almost willing to be alone. Crushes will be had, symbolic trinkets will be exchanged, texts and such, and then comes the rain.

The Third Law, the Law of Pouring Rain: After finding an object for new romance, One will become suddenly happy and content, and will return to One's pining ways, assuming crush reciprocates attention. But of course, once the potential has been set, one or more strangers will suddenly come out of bloody nowhere, showering One with attention of various sorts, i.e., getting hit on at bars, or asked out on dates, whatever. One becomes confused, and asks, "Where the fuck was all this, like, six months ago."

The Fourth Law, the Law of Unrequited Reciprecations: One will attempt to play the field, will stay up late at night trying to pull apart each emotion One is having, will over-analyze everything to dust, will weigh pros and cons of each situation, and will then set up the Game Plan. But no matter how well the plan is lain, no matter how well the game is played, no matter just how many players are involve, One will eventually screw it up, or Potentials will lose interest at the most severe moments, and thus all will be lost. One will end up alone, again, and then back to the First Law, eventually, after much soul searching, drinking, and god knows what else.

...


Law number three seems to be in full affect right now. And its slightly driving me ape-shit.

Because I don't really know how to play "the game," nor do I really want to. Why can't two people that like each other just f-ing decide to like each other and move from there.

I'm basically deciding right now, I just want to have some fun, and enjoy the rest of summer. If you're not with me, then your against me, so be it.

Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be somewhere else. Or something. Not thinking about girls.

All Your Summer Songs are Belong to Us

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My brain has been all gooey for a while now. Too many late nights at the The Bar, though for good reasons.

I kind of let my hopes go up a little too high there, for a second. But its what I do when a seemingly magical girl pops up on the radar, someone I actually want to spend much of my time with comes along.

I'm still quite foolish when it comes to this business. After all these years, after this long broken year.

Things are good though.

Squid came up from Austin for some much needed R & R, so we took her out and get her properly drunk, as is our way. This led to many shenanigans, and some awkward time with ex, which actually wasn't that awkward. I think I've finally let go of dramatizing things when she's around. We did hang out three nights in a row, in a drunken situation, and no drama nor other conduct occurred. Just civil conversations.

Though, my god, my stomach is seriously in a state of despair, as always, due to one too many spirits.

...

Thursday, Leonard and I volunteered ourselves for a circus event as thrown by my favorite ladies of the local Burlesque troop that I'm quite fond of. Unfortunately I volunteered to run the
"games," which were quite low budget, and only about five people actually played the games, which were rigged anyway. I did wear my most favorite suit, and waxed the shit out of my moustache, and had a grand time playing a character of sorts, though I was anxious to get to drinking, and received several free drink tokens as payment. Score!

...

We pulled a Batman Friday evening. (Batman = leaving somewhere suddenly, and without saying goodbye, just like Batman does) Somehow in my stupor, I convinced the girl I've recently been smitten with to escape the confines of the The Bar, and we walked to my house
to talk and such. She surprised me first, asking me if it was ok to kiss, and my god, like I would say no.

Unfortunately shortly after our initial make-out, drunk friends walked by, and suddenly we found ourselves overrun with drunk people who promptly drank most of my beer. Then the roommate showed up in a terribly drunken state wearing a fine pair of adult diapers, with more people in tow, and we had ourselves quite a little party on our hands. Luckily we pulled our second Batman of the night and escaped to our room, girl and I, and promptly fell asleep listening to a sacred album.

Though it remains up in the air as to what's going on between us. She's in a bad situation with her ex, i.e. still living with him, and unable to jump into another relationship at the moment, which sort of complicates things, like when we kissed and such, so signals are somewhat perplexing to read right now.

I'm trying my best not to end up in the friend zone, yet remain supportive as a friend, and to not become the ultimate puppy dog in this situation, a role I've played before, one I don't quite like.

This stuff is never easy, is it?

...

Work is killing me again. I need a break. I'm thinking of hitting up Chicago next month. I haven't been there in quite sometime, and look forward to returning to some old haunts of mine. Plus oldest friends will be in town, one of which recently got back in touch with me, out of the blue and most welcome.

...

I'll try to update more, but gah, I don't know why, I'm sort of in a state of not getting much accomplished again. Music is low on the list, and I owe some people some Cd's I still have yet to mail, and with friends in town, and girls, as always, well, I've been distracted.

Of course, I'm pretty sure only one or two people actually read this thing anyway, so its pretty much like a private letter to the two of ya.

Oh, and she couldn't find those chips by the by. Slightly disappointed, but me thinks I know where I can get them, come August.

This Turn, This Sweetness

I f-ing love these chips. And someone is bringing me a bag of them tomorrow from Chicago. The red bag flavor. Oh man, this guy is excited.

...

I've been in a funk of sorts. A minor depression. A summer lull.

Nothing's particularly wrong. I just feel out of sorts. Very exhausted all day, and sort of weepy at night, about a general lack of intimacy, or closeness with people.

For probably a month now.

Even though I'm out and about with people all night at the bar.

...

But all of that turned, a week ago. The fourth of July will forever be remembered. Such a sweet day. S. and B. made me lunch, veggie burgers, macaroni salad (the best homemade stuff ever), and corn on the cob. We then went over to a local school and played on the playground equipment like seven year olds, and kicked a soccer ball around a big field. I ran around the field in quick bursts of speed, and I realized I couldn't remember the last time I ran, or played sports, or any sort of real physical activity. We climbed on the school's roof.

Then i took a sweet nap, and groggily made my way to the The Bar. There was someone there. Someone. Some one. One girl that I've known for probably 8 years, one of my first crushes ever in this town.

She used to come into the bar I worked at all the time, and would drink PBR and write in her notebook.

She is, of course, absolutely gorgeous. And has two of the best tattoos ever.

..

She asked me for my number, and we talked about life and stuff, while she waited for her beer. When she went back over to her table near the dartboards, I bit my knuckle, and thought, "Holy shit. She asked me to hang out."

Later I got asked to play darts, and stationed myself at her table, while I waited to throw. This plan worked wonderfully, except for when the ex walked up to me, and tried to have a conversation with me. Awkward. Luckily I had the darts to take me away. After that struggle, the crazy German man that haunts me at the bar now, tried to converse with me and the girl. After that onslaught, the dart game finished, friends went upstairs, I finally found myself alone with her.

..


We bought a six pack, and sat on the steps of my apartment, chatting and catching up. Then we went into my room to watch an episode of Battlestar Galactica, (she's a fan), and promptly fell asleep in my bed.

I made her coffee, and as I ground up the beans, my dumb ass forgot to put the cartridge that collects the grinds back on the machine. Coffee crumbs shot out all over me and the floor, and stove...

..

I'm swooning, majorly. I haven't felt something like this in a long, long time. It just feels like, after such a long journey, such a rough ride, I've finally come home.

...

She's bringing me a bag of chips.

...

This summer turned that day. And then the next night, hanging out at the The Bar, in walks Drue B@rremore, who is filming a movie in town. (She's headed to Austin soon. Get ready for it). I got asked to be an extra by her assistants. Then Drue told me I have sweet chops.

My mustache is out of control these days. But hey, it could possibly have landed me a role in a major motion picture. I don't even really care if I get in, I just want my mustache to be famous.

I called the number they gave me, and I kind of fumbled and it didn't go so well. I was given an email address and told to send in my resume.

!

Resume? Uh, ok. Have at it, its pretty bleak.

I haven't heard back yet. We'll see.

...

And last night, the rapper Fve walked into the The Bar. Celebrities abound. They will have seen my mustache in person.

Guess who else is in town? Jul1ette Louis, Fllen P@ige, and Zooey Deshin@L.

WTF?!!

I'll admit I'm a little star struck. I should never have opened my big fat mouth at work. Cuz now everyone is giving me shit for it.

...



I bought this yesterday. It really comes with a little comb. Leonard now has the Rollie Fingers curl starting up. Its outstanding.

...

Manic, Warm Beer

Hello there. I'm Bob Ross. Do you like cauliflower? I'm today's random image. Nice to meet you!

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I'm exhausted and I need a vacation. I seem to be stuck in endless, repetitive loops of bizarre emotions and my constant inability to get done any of the things I say I'm going to do. Instead I spend too many nights going out to the bars in hopes of summer fun and antics, stay up way too late and then barely sleep and sluggishly make my way through each day.

That and work is making me manic. Half of my shifts are a constant struggle with a massive workload that people seem unwilling to help me with. My "new" boss of sorts seems rather out of touch with the workload I have on a daily basis, and seems to consider my work ethic rather lackluster. This coming from the same person I've seen time and time again milk the clock over and over again.

Especially since we work the same job on the other half of my shifts which I constantly leave early on because there is little work to be done. I lose five hours a week on average, which I've almost been making up for on my first shifts, thanks to massive work loads and long days. He literally told me to "work slower. Pace yourself." Since when is this a viable solution, coming from someone who is now a manager?

I consider myself a patient person, but not when it comes to standing around and staring at walls at the work place. I'd much rather be somewhere else, or, in fact, busy with some kind of meaningful task at work.

I was also planning a trip down to Texas at the end of the month, but I think he's taking off that same week, and since he writes the schedule now, I may be out of luck, since he's the only one who can cover my first, extremely busy shifts...

...

Xerxes, a rather large dishwasher, and ex-alcoholic, came up to me the other day and asked if I liked drinking beer.

I laughed for a good five minutes. Silly, silly question.

He then offered me two, very warm cans of Bud Light he found in the back of a taxi cab that morning.

Not my first choice in beverages, but hey, its free, and I'll pretty much drink anything.

He doesn't like seeing anything go to waste, and I agree.

I drank them last night, but was sure to drink my good beer first, to mask the skunk flavor.

...

But I do so need a vacation. This routine I'm on isn't going to change by itself. I can't shake this rut.

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Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. And I'm somewhat completely ambivalent. Fireworks never held much appeal for me. Nor am I especially patriotic or political for that matter. But I would like to witness a fine barbecue display, somewhere. I'm lacking on the summer activities still.

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I'm dreading my phone lately. That's all I can muster on that subject.

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Oh, and I owe some people some cd's in the mail, but am extremely lazy. Probably by next week, cuz my day off is tomorrow and Saturday, and the post office may be closed. Not sure about Saturday, but I'll do my best.