They Ordered Me to Make Mistakes

August 22, 2008

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Odd. If things had gone according to plan, upon this date, here and now, this year, I would have officially gotten married.

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I suppose.

I mean, we changed the date a couple times, but this is the date that stuck in my mind.

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I realized it tonight. How I meant to plan some kind of torturous reminder for myself. But really, it escaped my mind. Until I met up with some old friends at the bar tonight, despite my attempts to stay home tonight. A random phone call, again, friends in town, going to the bar. Blast. Damn me, Cause I'm going out, again.

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The roommate and I set off fireworks. In honor of my would-be wedding day. Only because originally we were going to break shit, break something. Instead we lit off some cherry bombs at two in the morning. Just cause.

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So hi. Mellow dramatics. I actually feel just fine. Sometimes I just like to wax poetical. Wax my emotions. Let them breathe.

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Chicago was amazing. So eye-opening. A great side-step to the life I lead. To look back and see it all, how its been, all the crazy misadventures. How I want to change things, finally. Really, and fully. I want to change my life.

Quit smoking soon. Workout some. Nothing special, like, sit-ups and push-ups and shit. Simple. And actually attempt writing, stories and such. More. Be more productive.

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Anyway, I'm drunk again, and its late, and I'm getting emotional. I was supposed to be married today. Wow, it makes sense, but it really doesn't.

Hope you are well.

"No one is around... Love will always love you."

(ps. I really want that cd back.)

Chicago, In Brief...

Anyone fancy a game of badminton?

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My journey has ended. And though there are many details of my journey, I just don't have the strength to go into to them just yet. Tomorrow, I shall divulge. But tonight, tonight is the last true night of my vacation, and I shall be getting drunk at the The Bar, for yet another friend is in town, and I do so want to hang out. Plus, a beer sounds really good after all of the trains, buses and cars I rode in, pretty much everyday of my vacation.

What you should know, is that I feel so alive right now. And so very blessed to have reunited with many old friends and places in Chicago that I should have kept in touch with, at least kept in touch with better.

So thanks to all who drove me around, put up with me, gave me a couch to sleep on, took pictures of me, gave me beer, and food. I had a most splendid time, and I look forward to seeing all of you again, sometime soon I hope.

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And in perhaps the most bizarre of news, that which I found out as I returned to the parents house for a brief couple of days, is that I, I am officially going to be a real uncle come March. My sister is having a baby. A baby. A new life form growing in her womb.

I feel like I have a new reason to live, something to live for. Not that I don't have any now, but one more reason to live is always a welcome thing.

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More, tomorrow, I promise.

Yes, I Have Been Drinking... From the Well of Eternal Sorrow

For the Lass. Oh, and I heard Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin. Under his beard is just another fist.

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On a whim I checked my bank account for the first time in a while. I'll admit I'm not the smartest person when it comes to money. My philosophy has been like this: ATM Card goes in, monies come out.

I'm glad I did, though, to discover just how shockingly much monies I've spent on the booze that I am so fond of, and how little monies are currently residing in my bank account.

Although I have had a rollicking good time these last few months. One good thing about this town is that most anyone who has ever lived here tends to come back to visit, and we must, as is our way, show them a damn, good time.

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The monies worry me so, only because I'm planning a vacation to my old haunts in Chicago, and would much rather get drunk there, than spend another goddamn night at the The Bar. Though the introduction of the three nights of dollar PBR's, 1.75 whiskies and free pool, has pretty much left me destroyed the next day, only to sweat out the hang over, rinse and repeat.

These three nights also correspond so well with my early shifts, which makes matters that much worse.

So I've decided to attempt sobriety, at least partial sobriety, well, ok, at least not drinking at the bar every night. Though I'm feeling the temptation already...

Must Resist!

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Doesn't help things with the ladies have gone the way they have, as always, forever and ever, amen. And that I still manage to con myself into thinking, hey, maybe tonight I will meet someone at the bar, etc. Sometimes I think its sad I still think this way, but there's always that one magic night of actually meeting someone interesting that leads to something more... or perhaps if I actually attempted asking people out...

Almost thirty years of life on this planet, and I still find myself afraid to approach girls.

Enough about that. Let's instead discuss me walking into work last Friday, the day I feared would come. x working behind the counter. Why, hello there.

I'm somewhat unsettled by this, even if its only two days a week. Luckily its in a part of the restaurant I don't frequent very often. What's more unsettling is the fact two of my bosses pulled me aside to discuss said situation. Nothing I hate more than face to face time with the bosses, especially having "meetings." I'd rather jab my eyes out with serrated knives.

I mean, there's not much I can do about. Its not really the end of the world, and I'm much too nice a person to raise a big stink about it. I really just want it to blow over, and to be left alone to do my job and then leave. When there's talk of even-higher-ups getting involved, shudder, unh-uh, no good, then its a really bad situation. My bosses are one thing, which was quite cool to have someone be in my corner for once, but even-higher-ups, oh god, no.

I suppose that day got a little more awkward when she purposely came down in the prep basement hole to say goodbye to me. In front of one of my bosses. Uh, bye? Thanks.

No, perhaps it got even more awkward later that night at the The Bar, where, of course, she decided to show up and hang out with me for a while, discussing the day. I told her about the utter dramatic shit-storm she stirred up for me at work, which, given the way my job has been going the last few months, I really don't need this now. She seemed kinda shocked, which amazed me. Like, what did you think would happen?

I don't think she understands break-up etiquette very well.

We do, however, remain civil around each other, even while drunk in public, so this is good thing.

But enough about this.

Just needed to vent a little.

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Oh, and the girl I've been pining after recently has gotten back with her ex, and thus is unobtainable again, which seems to be the type of girl I most go for. Even though I did get to hang with her Friday night after the discussion with x. Without her boyfriend there. And slipped her my July mix. Towards the end of the night, she gave me the "long hug," a tight and very intense one. Sigh.

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All thoughts rest on Chicago, and the train ride on Thursday the 14th. And having a beer at the Goldstar once again, and Club Foot, and my friends there, and eating Bacci's and just, oh my, getting the fuck out of town and not working for a whole week, and getting paid for it.

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And did I mention going to see Wall*E. Really, I've seen it five times now, and seriously cry every time. I don't cry.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Chuck Norris doesn't cry either.