Will Clap Their Hands

Um. I don't even know what to say about this image. Not sure which is creepier: Turtle shells with faces positioned inappropriately, or the drool hanging from their lips. Great mustaches, though.

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Warning: Debbie Downer ahead! read at own risk! Just needing to vent!
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I don't even know what's going on right now. This winter will not die. Its hanging on by a thread, and its driving me and everyone I know insane. Roommate suddenly wants to jet off to Alaska to do something ??? and basically move out by June 1 st. I mean, I'm all for doing what you gotta do, run away from whatever, and I'm not gonna tell you how to live... but try not to drag other people into it, specifically people you share a lease with. Its really fucking up my shit, and try to give more than a month and a weeks notice. If you gotta runaway, do it, but know what you're running from, and at least get a basic plan together. Ahead of time.


On top of that, this house is literally falling apart. A giant tree fell in the back yard last Sunday. I found out about it, because I was sitting at my new, sweet desk I found on the side of the road (I love college town move out season! free shit!) in my room on my laptop, when I look out and see and hear shit hitting the side of the house, and branches moving in my window, and crap falling off the roof. I thought the aliens had come.


Also the bathroom sink is clogged, and I tried very man-like for three days to unclog it, after careful research on the subject on the internet, but to no avail. I even tried Coca-Cola, which I heard will eventually eat through most anything, like hair, and even teeth if left soaking in it for days. Like, dissolve the tooth. And people drink it every day. Hmmm. Oh, did I mention the toilet is leaking, into the floor. One day I'm going to go for a crap, and then bamn, the floor will give, and I'll be sitting on the crapper in the basement. Or cartoon like, the whole house will shift down instead, and I'll be suspended, mid air, on the john.


Moral of the story, is that unresponsive landlord isn't responsive.


Thus, I understand wanting to get out of this situation. I'm very much considering giving up this "gem" of an apartment; if not just to try something new. Lots of ghosts in this house. Not actual ones, its just got a lot of my history, history I've been so ready to leave behind. Especially with women that want to leave it, while I cohabitate with them. Sorry. Had to throw that one in there. Something shook me last night as all too familiar. Like the last one. And we're not even dating, or anything.

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whoa, tangent. I'm just pissed off about this right now, and stressed, and need a vacation, and have a been working on the burlesque stuff so much lately, which is good, but draining.

Did I mention I've almost finished my robot costume, built from cardboard from scratch, except for the most awesome Optimus Prime Helmet, that I found at the salvation army for six bucks?
With built in voice modifier? Dude. Its sweet. And saved me probably a whole days worth of work. I've probably put in over 40 hours on this project. I'm utterly sick of looking at cardboard.

But its for our next show, which is this friday. I'm pumped, but you wouldn't know it. At least I have Thursday off, completely to rest before the show. Unless I just totally cursed it by saying that. The way things are going these days...

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Ok. I feel somewhat better. Sigh. Things are changing so much again. So fast.


I secretly have an urge to steal someone's car, and just drive off somewhere wilderness-y and just camp out for a day or two. Be alone in wilderness for a bit. Clear the head out. Or something. Experience something else for a bit.


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Song for Woodthrush

This made me laugh.

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It is currently thee worst week of the winter. The most dreaded of all times of the winter. The last week of March, by which all accounts is technically Spring, but you wouldn't know it around these parts. The sky has been a solid sheet of gray for a week. Cold, but not too cold, just enough to make you wear a jacket, and to make you think twice about wearing that scarf you hoped you wouldn't have to wear again this season.

I've also had a cold for about two months now, which is like a somewhat annoying noise in the background, always there, but you just can't tune it out enough. Constant ebbs and flows of phlegm. Coughs abound, and sneezes and then the sore throats... Lately my lungs feel horribly broken, and I keep thinking about how I'm long overdue to attempt the quitting of the smoking of which I am so fond.

It also snowed today, for the first time in a month, and it is just not what I need right now. I long to sleep with the window open again. To spend actual time outdoors. To see and feel the sunshine.

This week has been insane. Starting off on this entirely crazy emotional dive, like, everyone around me had it, and we all felt insane. Bizarre antics at work. A new B-show in the works, with plans for the future looming overhead. Over-abundance of booze.

I also "broke-up" with someone tonight. I had mentioned briefly hanging out with a lady. Well, it became clear to me that things we're not apparently on the same level. I had made my intentions clear from the start, with honesty, that I wasn't looking for something huge and intense, i.e. a girlfriend, and things were agreed upon - keep it cool and casual. Slowly that changed bit by bit, though not so much on my part, sadly, and I called it off, not wanting to make things worse down the road.

Even at thirty the whole break-up process is totally still stressful and awkward. Even if I consider myself a seasoned veteran of the dating world, the world of relationships, man, shit still sucks. I'm still thinking of sticking to my guns on rather getting dumped than being the dumpee.

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I suppose its in the way the language changes. Despite claims of not wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend at all, on either part, and then upping the vocabulary. In some parts, yes, for lack of a better word, or explaining it to friends. Ah, the rough and tumble world of semantics.

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Roommate had commented on certain conversations overheard. Warned me of girlspeak. Girlspeak I may have misconstrued. Or inadvertantly agreed upon things I would not have.

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Anyway, I'm all weird right now and waxing all emotional, and feel somewhat sappy, but relieved. Also totally exhausted from my day at work of taking out old shelves and installing new ones in the walk-in, which meant standing in cold refrigerator for a couple hours, and then outside for an hour building new shelving units. At least I scored some awesome cardboard that I need in order to build my robot suit for my next routine.

Realizing I really need that vacation I promised to myself, though I keep putting it off.

I gots a new lifeform to check in on, godsdammit.

Also missing old friends suddenly, that I haven't spoken to in a while.

Goddamn this winter must end.

Pink and Blue

I think this was on Post Secret awhile back. I'm actually enjoying my job lately, which is always strange to say. And I also still pretend I'm on board the Enterprise often. Make it so!

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I'm still recovering from my time in Detroit. Trying to regulate my system again, balancing work with being able to hang out in bars again. Also the drinking culminated in quite a bender this weekend, which apparently affected the whole town, as everyone I know got extremely wasted on Saturday. Something in the air I suppose. Mid-winter freakout. Ugh, this shit is so almost done, and I'm so done with it, the snow, the cold.

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I had gotten home from work on Thursday, finally having reached my first full day off in three weeks, and promptly ate food and sat on the porch smoking. Suddenly this wave of good cheer came over me. I felt extremely good despite everything, the fatigue, and sat there so perplexed as to why I felt so damn good.

Half and hour I received the best and most puzzling text message ever. The number was Chicago in area code, though unknown on the caller id. The message read, "It's a boy!" The only person I knew was pregnant in that area was my sister. After checking my old cell phone for a possibility to the identity of the texter, I texted my brother asking if he got the same message. Then I freaked out realizing it was probably my brother-in-law, and that the baby came two weeks early.

I freaked out. Then got smart and called the number, and got the voicemail of my brother-in-law.

My nephew had been born.

I am quite extremely proud to introduce the birth of my first nephew, which makes me a drunkle, the eccentric odd black sheep of the family whose sole purpose is to spoil the little one with the things the parents deny them, to be the "cool" uncle for support, and I'm totally gonna corrupt that kid.

Lukas. Born two weeks early, but in fine, fine condition.

I wish the world he was born into was in better shape, but I guess that's something we all gotta work on.

I am so completely stoked about his birth.

I think I'm planning a Chicago trip for the end of March, to meet this lil' dude in person.

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I guess that's all I got. Got the most sleep last night, though unrestful sleep with night sweats and freezing, plus odd feverish dreams concerning work and the Legend of Zelda. Bizarre.

Wanted to kill every one today, for no reason.

Cranky.

Down, and Dirty.

Oh yes. Brilliant.

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I am so utterly exhausted. I'm not quite sure if I've had a day off in the last three weeks. February just sort of exploded in my face. Which is so, so good for me. To be actually busy with things outside of work. Doing something with my spare time. Especially during the coldest, darkest month of the Michigan winter. Even March is deceptively cold, but still filled with promises to come, of Spring, and warmth, and the desire to live again.

I spent my last four days off, two weekends, in Detroit, performing with the b-company, at a certain art/photography/show/exhibition thing that goes on every year. And its all dedicated to sex. Its chock full of adventure, and agony, stress, drunkenness, debauchery, and shear, pure fun and excitement. I wrote all about it on the mustache blog on the myspace page.

Which means I haven't had a pure, holy day off to myself, on which I accomplish exactly nothing. Damn I love my leisure and lazy time. I'm very selfish about it. And to give up four, two weekends in a row? Wow, I'm hooked on the whole b-company thing.

I took off my clothes in front of about 8000 people. A picture of me in a thong was on the front page of a weekly entertainment magazine's website. My junk, all over the internets.

I'm chuckling to myself right now.

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I'm amazed I'm still functioning right now. Sleep has not been a commodity. Nor sober time. I'm still managing to drink so much these days. But, not going to lie about it any longer, I drink every night of the week. An amount some would consider a lot. I've seen worse. Trust me.

It also doesn't encourage me, in the fact that I've recently begun hanging out with a lady, despite my attempts at not getting entangled in that sort of thing. So far its very chill, very cool, and I've been enjoying her company immensely. And also losing lots of sleep, on top of the exhaustion from performing.

Well, I do so enjoy taking off my clothing... in all sorts of manners. (Too cheesy to pass up). *Enter snooty laugh now.*

She also drinks as much as I do, which is a rare trait in a woman, one I find very appealing. I am a lush. Plus she's totally hot. And wants to make out with me. Also very appealing.

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I'm planning on writing an essay, mostly about turning thirty, and the events surrounding it, loss of love, joining the troop, taking my clothes off, etc. To be published in a local zine, which, as much flak as they get, at least someone is doing something around here, trying to put stuff out there. And my writing bug has been acting up greatly lately, which is such a good thing. Despite the fact I haven't updated this blog thing for shit.

Which is why I was insistent on the deadline factor. When does this need to be done by? Because I need deadlines, otherwise I'm dust in the wind.

I also had a major breakthrough in this fantasy novel series I've had ideas about for years, but never did anything about it. I'm so close to actually taking the time to write shit down.

I'm almost a writer again!

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Note - Please go see "Let the Right One in." Vampire movie, foreign, awesome. And pay attention.

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Did I mention she watches Battlestar Galactica? And reads comic books and sci-fi. Doesn't get the Star Wars appeal, but at least she's watched them.

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Well, the whole brain thing is shutting down. I have more to say, but cannot continue. Also, that other social connecting site, has completely taken over my soul. I cannot live without it now. This is scary.

Vaccines

I love this image sooo much.

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Sigh. I'm totally busy. This is the most random thing in my life to complain about. Especially now that we've entered into the real game of winter, February.

Last night the B company had a show in our neighboring little sister town, the mighty Ypsi. The show went better than expected, I caught up with some old friends whom had since moved over to that town. Crossover on both sides is sorely missed. The town is just far enough away to make people groan about going back and forth. The struggle never ends.

After the show I got exceedingly drunk, and "full of love," a condition I refer to as "full of love" whenever I get super drunk, kinda touchy-feely in the hug sort of way, and proceed to tell everyone around me how "full of love" I am. I did this entirely most of New Year's Eve. I don't remember much from that night. Only a calm, peaceful resolve.

We had an after party at a certain band's practice space, which is simply amazing. I cannot describe the entire "compound," but it made me think twice about my somewhat loathing of Ypsi. I've just had some bad experiences there, that's all. Getting stuck at a stranger's house after witnessing a totally brutal Lesbian fight. (I am never going to fight a lesbian. Whoa. Harsh.), with a girl that wanted nothing to do with me, despite lesbian's insistance.

I had an immensely good time. Suddenly all my groaing and bitching about going to practice melted away, and it felt like it paid off. We did great. And in the next two weekends, I'll be performing four days. My act. In Detroit. I was hesistant about devoted that much time to stuff, but really, its a great thing. My motivations are shifting. This will keep me going through the winter.

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Though I worry about my health. Last week I suffered from some sort of neck cramp, that is still not entirely done with me. four days of intense pain. I felt like a robot. Moving all mechanichly. A few unprescribed pills, and a very nice massage loosened things up, but damn, I'm getting old. I gotta start watching the posture.

Oh, and last night I stabbed my hand on a rusty nail, in the bed o' nails one of our performers uses in the show. Some bleeding, and I don't remember the last tetanus shot I got, so goddamn it, I gotta look into that now. I'm not too concerned, as it wasn't deep, and wiki's about diseases are horribly dangerous for the hypochondriac in me. It sort of reassured me. I also drank a lot of alcohol last night. So I think my whole body was fairly sanitized in that department.

I also got digits. Not to mention at the after party, I witnessed a very cool dog, suddenly pissing all over the place, at which I laughed at for a solid five minutes, and am still chuckling about to this very minute.

I also need to buy a new thong, maybe a gold or silver metallic one. I'm going to build a cardboard robot suit that I strip off for my next performance.

My life is so strange. I kinda love it.

Fly, you Fools

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I'm feeling rather good these days. Honestly I cannot believe how well I'm taking this winter. Usually by this point I'm a useless heap, completely buried in blankets. Of course, February is just around the corner, which is the true test of winter sanity.

Then again, this winter has differed quite dramatically from the last one. No bone-crushing break-up depression, that looking back on, whoa, I was in a bad place.

Although my capacity for wine has grown slightly larger than usual. My tolerance is kind of in the scary levels. That and the "party store" (that's what we call them in the Michigan), has these fantastic deals on these monster bottles of wine. Quantity, not quality. And I'm not exactly the best at cutting myself off. A little more won't hurt...

But it is how I get through the winter gray and darkness. Not a drinking problem, more of a drinking solution. I'm an optimist at heart. I'm also rather fond of leaving all the lights on in the house. I know it may not be all that "green" of me to waste energy, but I'm not wasting it. I need all the light I can get.

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I have the troupe as well. We have three shows (+) the next three weekends running. Two weekends will be spent in Detroit, performing four shows at the Detroit D!rty Show, a huge event all about dirty things related to sex. Fetishes, pornography, a guy who poops paint onto a canvas (P@blo P00p-caso!), all sorts of stuff. And then me, doing my routine. A little nervous about it. yes, yes I am.

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And my heart has gone and done something stupid, like developing a little crush on someone. Its been a while since anyone has shown any sort of promise. So I'm trying to enjoy it as being merely a crush, something fun to day dream about, but sometimes I do take these things a little too seriously. And it seems I never learn my lessons, because, yes, another coworker. Brilliant! I'm a damn fool. Fool!

Anyway, it has future ex-girlfriend written all over it. And silly me, I'm kind of up for it. I think I just might be ready to go big, to get hurt all over again. Yes please, come into my life. Take what you like. Destroy me, please!

Enough about that.

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I did manage to pick up the guitar and learn some new songs. I haven't touched that one for a while.

Anyway, my Sunday morning is almost over, and I must be heading to work soon. Sigh.

I've Really Been into That

Boy wins!

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2009 seems to have kicked off on a somewhat rocky note. Little things keep popping up, minor nuisances that don't do all that much damage, but are really irritating.

Kinda like the leaky pipe/roof in the kitchen problem, which has returned again. Buckets and a garbage can rest underneath the cupboard collecting drips. Yogurt containers all up in the cupboards. A thoroughly soaked dish towel acts as a dam on the counter-top. And, of course, none of the water actually drips into the sink.

Landlord has done nothing, despite repeated calls. Me thinks if I stay in this town another year, I might look into a new place.

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My roommate threw me a curve ball the other day. Unintended, though it filled me with sudden dread. A thought that had not occurred to me. One day, she will move out. Of course she will. And then what do I do? We've endured a lot, and still get along really well as roommates. She's been one of the best, if not thee, and owe her a lot. Just saying hey, you're awesome.

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How many people out there use google as their spell checker? I totally do it all the time.

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Speaking of other internets, I joined up on that other super mega-awesome fun site, the Facebook.

And I'm totally hooked. That shit plugged in like crack in the drug receptors of the neurons of a crackhead. I can't go ten minutes without looking at it. I got it bad. Notification! Notification! I desperately gasp with anticipation as I await that little red flag in the lower right corner. Plus, I can totally trade Star Wars figures with my friends. Fuck yeah S. sent me Yoda the other day. I'm up to 70% of the figures. Shit is so cash.

I'm so over Myspace. Glad I only made a fake profile, well, actually real profile for my moustache. He's grown quite long (over a foot wingspan), and very unruly in his older months. Waxing is a constant chore. I can't eat food if I don't wax the stash, because all the hairs go directly into the food, and then into my mouth. Eating hair feels gross.

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Oh, and some authoring of certain "missed connections," on the other internets site, my other form of computer crack, craigslist, the innerauble depths of pure, raw humanity at its worst, well, ok, missed connections is a must, and in all my adult life, of a low numbered list of requests, I so have never wanted something more (almost) than someone posting a genuine (ahem) connection about me. Preferably female. But hey, at this point, any one showing an ounce of interest in me
, cool, fine, I'll take it.

So someone mentionend me in a mc (for short), as something like "we were sitting next to that queer mustache guy" at an mc aimed at my friend AR. I believed AR, in fact, wrote this. We had been at the bar one night drunkenly discussing our love for craigslist, and what little faith it gives us in humanity, and mostly about the mcs. (more internet crack! and paranthesis). Although she did not. The other guy we were with wrote it, and so I, didn't find this out until after I posted my reply, aimed at my dear, awesome friend AR, which apparently, in her words, "blew my Facebook fuckin' up."

I would like to believe it was my authorship. I do feel most proud of it. I know her well, and what would be the most obvious clues that it was her. It worked. I gave some hint it was me though, which prompted an email from a coworker, reading simply "j?"

So then my friend in Chicago decides to pen one about me, directly noting the obvious mustache, and of course smoking, outside of work. Tempting, but a twenty year old girl was not the wisest age for a man of my high standards. Although, I am in the beginning of my "dirty old man" years, of which I have looked forward to, secretly, for a very long time. That and the "smoking outside" reference was good, but no one in the public can really see us smoking in the new designated smoking area. Well, no public other than the small Village high school that looks in on our newly desiganted smoking area. Nice. But really, all that kids at the school probably smoke cigarettes already, not too mention probably more weed than I do.

Some coworkers specultated inside job. Luckily AR spilled the beans to me about who wrote it, and thus some rather funny text messeges were exchanged.

People still tell me about it. Like one of my stalkers. Who sent a message on myspace to me, with the link to the mc, and said she wanted to break that girl's legs, and send her an envelope full of anthrax. With a sweet coda of "happy new year."

Yeah, i whine about not getting attention from women, but then realize I want "Quality" attention, i.e. someone I would like to engage in the sex with.

I didn't even realize that was a very angry message. I was high on the weed, of course, and thought, "oh hey, cool, no need for violence, just a joke, etc... and of course replied, "happy new year to you!" Ooops. Girls don't like it when you disrespect their scorn. It makes them get madder. Her roommate cleared it up. In a very long talk. long.

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I've also managed to keep my sanity this winter, so far. Despite a few trials here and there, I think things will work out. I've only had a couple minor tweekouts, early nights where all I crave is sleep, to get away from the gray. But overall, I'm weathering the weather rather well. And drinking a lot. I mean, A LOT. Red wine, its how I get through it.

Where I am at

My robot has returned to life. Thanks to the ingenuity of the roommate's bo-hunk, who knows a thing or two about soldering wires. Thanks to you!

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My life is somewhat busy these days. Its odd for me, with all my cherished laziness, to admit it. And while at times during the middle of the winter season I just really want to collapse in a heap in my awesome new bed (A birthday gift from the parents) and not leave the room for days on end, so far so go. I'm not actually feeling the winter blahs. There are things to occupy my time.

For one, I'm pleased to announce, I have finally factored the Public Library into my routine. I've had a library card for years on end, but have finally made it a point to get there once a week. And thus lovingly the library has kept me in movies, music and even an occasional book. And on my toes with each of those products having separate due dates.

I'm not nearly going out as much, which we call hibernation up here in the cold north. Though somehow the steady stream of old friends and old loves coming to town, nearly weekend after weekend has provided ample opportunity to drink entirely too much, as we are also prone to due in the cold north.

Hibernating, or hermit-ing. Its been pretty nice.

Musically, things have taken a turn for the worse. The band has ceased all operations since the drummer moved out of our old abode. I still miss that house, and frequently day dream about winning the lottery and purchasing said house. I guess its a minor break, though we all seem to have other projects keeping us just busy enough. I miss it though, and have finally picked up my accoustic again, despite breaking the strings and requiring new ones, which i will venture out today for.

Work has been tolerable, to a point. Lately the three of us in the basement, the ones that matter anyway, have been playing a sort of game of "new music," where we all try to bring in new and interesting music, and discuss it at length, and sometimes even find ourselves singing along to it.

The boss is constantly challenging me with new things to cook, and create, (i.e. dumping her work on me). And the O pr@h beast has reared its ugly head again, in the form of reruns, which inspired all hell breaking loose last weekend, and me making a metric shit ton of a certain product that is my responsibility. Thanks again, O great one. Despite the challenges, it is officially the slow season, so I'm kinda glad I have new things thrown my way, i.e. actual work to be done, rather then the clever "how the hell can I make this day last 8 hours" game, which is quite bothersome mid February.

The Troupe and I are doing well. Two shows coming up in the future, both on the road for the first time, in Detroit. One at a pornographic convention of sorts, and one at a punk rock collective. Both should be eye-opening experiences. And I will also be perforMAN-ing again, a little too soon than I expected, in Detroit of all places. Whoa. I foresee more sewing in my future.

And as for the future, well, who knows. There has been a potential offer of sorts, not quite officially on the table, but being formulated and thought about much on both ends. Yet another attempt of my friend down south, who may be looking for a new manager of sorts for a restaurant she runs, to get me to move down there... Though this potential proposition could be a good thing, it has some cons that might complicate the matter. More thinking is needed.

And I won't even go into the love life. Nothing but dust and cobwebs in that department. And that's just fine.

Things are good. Things are good.

Off to an Odd Start

So. Yes, I haven't been updating at all, despite renewed promises. Not that all two of you are totally worried in the slightest. I will say, happy New Year to all of you. May 2009 be totally 200-Fine. Anyways, after far too much libations, um, well, I kinda disabled my laptop, due to poor design, and occasionally being drunk while using it, and, sort of dropping it, and thanks to the battery cord finally snapping off of the battery.

After a horribly long phone call to the fine customer service people of Best Buy, a new battery will be here in my abode in 5 to 8 buziness days.

Horribly depressing, because suddenly being stricken computer-less after being plugged in for a year, well, shit, I'm kinda freaking out right now, and am totally using the roommate's computer, without permission, so this is going to be short.

(Roommate - I am totally not downloading porn, I swear.)

Funny how dependent they get you on this technology shit. I feel I must go camping soon, to get back in touch with the nature.

And gasp, I'm actually reading a book these nights, because I forsook most of my technology because I had a laptop to do it all for me.

Oh how delicate my reality is.

I miss my goddamn robot!

(Robot is slang for computer)

Ok, beyond that all is well, and in 5 to 8 buziness days I shall have my robot back (hopefully) and I still will totally only update four times a month. Realistically.

Hope you are all well and good and beyond good.