Things I am Doing, Currently

I feel as though my head has been in a fog all day. Currently I'm feeling restless, and listless, and can't seem to get myself to do much of anything except surf around the glorious internet and waste the idle time I have on my hands. Two hours have passed, and I realized I was sitting in my room, and the sunlight had faded, and the rest of the house is dark, except for the glow of the lap top screen on my face...

I went to the Local Diner for breakfast, and did some reading, though I read the words, none of it really sank in. It felt like my eyes were just swimming through the words. So I read the paper, feeling very much like someone just reading the paper, like its something I tend to do at a certain point in my day, even though I never read the newspaper.

There should be a word for the look on someone's face as they read the newspaper. Which is some how different than the face one makes as they read something else, like a novel, or a magazine.

...

I'm wishing the phone would ring, though with no one in particular on the other end, just some random person, or perhaps someone I know wanting to invite me out for a drink, for a walk, to do some kind of activity with me.

But I don't feel particularly lonely.

And I'm pretty sure the phone will not ring. Though I find myself picking it up from time to time, checking the display, half-hoping I will see that I have missed such a phone call.

I'm in a strange mood today.

I also feel like I'm craving attention, though I don't know why.

...

I'm drinking hazelnut-flavored coffee, which has long since gone cold, but I'm drinking it anyway. I purchased the coffee after breakfast, after I stopped by the bank to deposit my tax returns. $!

I contemplated going to sit in this little park downtown, one that holds old memories for me, but the snowfall of last night rendered most of the chairs unusable, and besides it is just cold enough to be unpleasant outside.

...

I find my attention span has been somewhat limited as of late. I find it hard to sit through an entire movie, no matter how engrossing it may be. Yet I can watch several hours worth of Tv shows, entire seasons in one day, back to back. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there is always another episode to watch, that the story will continue, it will not wrap itself up after an hour and a half and be over...

Currently I'm watching Dexter, which has completely absorbed me from the get-go. Which is surprising, because there are no spaceships, alien races, or explosions, but I do suppose it depicts the more bizarre aspects of our humanity. What monsters we as humans can be from time to time, each and everyone of us, not just the serial killers, (especially the serial killer with a heart of gold, that Dexter seems to be) (I'm only on episode six, so maybe things change...).

...

And I also had a strange urge last night, one I did not succumb to, a very overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.

I almost looked at the pictures of her. The ones embedded in the machinery and electricity of the hardware of this laptop. Or the ones stashed somewhere in one of the many boxes I never unpacked, in the six months I've lived here.

I can't seem to picture the face anymore, in my mind's eye. It appears all puzzle pieces from different puzzles, slapped together like a Picasso painting... There are other things I'm "forgetting," things I won't mention now.

These little relapses are growing farther and farther apart...

This is a good thing.

...

I'm also wishing I could throw all the windows open in this house, and have it been warm, fresh air circulating through... But that probably won't happen for another month or so.

I want to hear crickets. And whatever those bugs are that make that loud clacking noise during the hot summer nights.

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