I swear, every time I've sat down to update this thing with the best of intentions, I just, in the immortal words of my friend P., "just couldn't bring myself to do it."

I wish I had a really good excuse, but really I've just been drunk and lazy, lately.

...

Really, its probably sixty degrees outside. Finally, though I know, knowing Michigan winters, that we're probably due for another snow storm sometime this month. It never gives up that easily.

But I'll take it. Walking to work without my winter coat. Its a wonderful thing.

For me, the first official day of Spring is the day the leaves suddenly return, quite suddenly, almost overnight; one day you wake up and suddenly everything is green again. Life wells up all around you.

But with the Spring comes great irresponsibility. Namely in the form of my hormones, which are currently out of control.

As my roommate has pointed out, that I've come so close to actual, physical, intimate sex, but have not yet managed to pull this feat off, for better or worse.

I'm craving it right now, not even the sex part, though that is one of the main goals here, but moreover I'm craving deep, sensual, highly intimate, physical human contact.

...

Which in some ways I have already, with the lady that's moving away forever.

I'll admit those feelings are subsiding, though it is immensely nice to be excited by a girl again, somehow its not enough.

I feel all fifteen years awkward again. our make-out sessions lasting so long. The feeling of no satisfaction high in the air. Sexual frustration.

but its cool, because I respect your decisions, and your reasons. Mayhaps I should focus on my own, but I'm afraid I'm only going after that act, and I'm not sorry for it.

Hormones are out of control.

...

So much has happened in the last week. Two weeks.

I almost lost my job thanks to a certain month first day prank someone I know pulled on such a day. My video game playing is out of control, as well as certain other vices.

ugh, my drinking is out of control...

Anyways, sorry I haven't updated in so long. I'll try to piece things together, but I've never been a good getting-shit together type of person.

But right now I need sleep. Crave it.