Onions

Arrrrggghhh! I just wrote an amazing post about the totally fabulous day I had today, and somehow managed to delete it.

Especially since I haven't been feeling really blog talkative lately, the moment I'm ready to do this, I lose it all...

I cannot recreate it.

But I had an amazing day today, and I feel as if no moment of it was wasted on any sort of frivolous activity.

The bit about me throwing out some old clothes, specifically the socks that have lost their pairs, yet I still hold onto thinking that one day they'll reappear just as they had magically disappeared years ago, the cleanest socks in the world that never left the basket, but still got washed in every load.

Oh, and the part about the soon-to-be-leaving-forever-on-Monday-girl. We went shopping at the mall, which is usually a horrifc experience for me, but somehow with her there, I felt ok. Then we drove to a park to play on swings and playground equipment, and lay on a blanket making out in the awesomely warm Spring breeze and setting sun.

I feel fifteen years old again. This is a good thing.

And now I'm laying in bed with the window open wider than its been all winter. It is perfectly comfortable now, and I'm dozing off, not completely drunk. (things have been sort of out of hand on that front lately)

That's all I can recreate at this moment.

I had a great day today.

That it is all

I swear, every time I've sat down to update this thing with the best of intentions, I just, in the immortal words of my friend P., "just couldn't bring myself to do it."

I wish I had a really good excuse, but really I've just been drunk and lazy, lately.

...

Really, its probably sixty degrees outside. Finally, though I know, knowing Michigan winters, that we're probably due for another snow storm sometime this month. It never gives up that easily.

But I'll take it. Walking to work without my winter coat. Its a wonderful thing.

For me, the first official day of Spring is the day the leaves suddenly return, quite suddenly, almost overnight; one day you wake up and suddenly everything is green again. Life wells up all around you.

But with the Spring comes great irresponsibility. Namely in the form of my hormones, which are currently out of control.

As my roommate has pointed out, that I've come so close to actual, physical, intimate sex, but have not yet managed to pull this feat off, for better or worse.

I'm craving it right now, not even the sex part, though that is one of the main goals here, but moreover I'm craving deep, sensual, highly intimate, physical human contact.

...

Which in some ways I have already, with the lady that's moving away forever.

I'll admit those feelings are subsiding, though it is immensely nice to be excited by a girl again, somehow its not enough.

I feel all fifteen years awkward again. our make-out sessions lasting so long. The feeling of no satisfaction high in the air. Sexual frustration.

but its cool, because I respect your decisions, and your reasons. Mayhaps I should focus on my own, but I'm afraid I'm only going after that act, and I'm not sorry for it.

Hormones are out of control.

...

So much has happened in the last week. Two weeks.

I almost lost my job thanks to a certain month first day prank someone I know pulled on such a day. My video game playing is out of control, as well as certain other vices.

ugh, my drinking is out of control...

Anyways, sorry I haven't updated in so long. I'll try to piece things together, but I've never been a good getting-shit together type of person.

But right now I need sleep. Crave it.