Leonard, Lady Defender

Men can be serious douche bags sometimes.

I had been talking to her most of the night. A coworker of mine I sometimes see at the The Bar. I'll admit, I find her to be very attractive, and she's sweet and cool. She's also a good deal younger than me; not that I find the actual number of someone's age to be all that telling after a certain point. But she also seems young in terms of life experiences, from what I can tell, and also doesn't exactly seem to hold her liquor all that well. Ah, I remember my first bar year fondly. Or don't remember it all that well, and had to be filled in on the sordid details the next day, which usually meant I had to apologize to someone. To be that young again... sorry, I don't think I want to relive my twenties ever again.

It didn't help the douche bag she was there with was feeding her shots all night. And he was a douche bag, and he didn't seem too happy she was talking to me most of the evening. Same with another coworker who was also hanging out with us, who periodically swooped in like a vulture to win the other coveted seat next to her. As well as the four foreign dudes that tried to literally grab her as we left the bar, one of which I exchanged some heated words with, and was ready to punch in the face for his not-so-nice comments. Or the guy we passed on the walk home that told her she was beautiful and sexy, so I pretended to be her boyfriend, holding her hand as we walked on.

Granted, I probably didn't look like a knight in shining armor either, hanging out with her most of the evening, some of the regulars flashing me looks with raised eyebrows and smiles, the "you're gonna get some tonight" look...

And in fact, yes, certain thoughts did come to mind, to be honest and fair. She is attractive. But I do fancy myself an honorable gentleman. And I do have a slight crush on her, but alas, she's a youngin'. I wouldn't take advantage of any lady totally obliterated on the sauce.

I did end up carrying her home, as at one point she stumbled and fell into a bed of flowers, thus turning her ankle. I felt bad. So I lay down next to her, and we sat there for a while, as people passed by and inquired if we needed assistance.

Unfortunately she lives a ways out, and with the turned ankle I offered my place as a good resting area. In which I did selfishly offer her my bed, because I still have this compelling need for company, and human contact. Though I had to fight some urges, we didn't make out. Which I'm glad for. And instead cuddled up and slept, which can sometimes be so much more rewarding than any other kind of action to be had.

But ugh, there was something in the air last night. People, mostly the men folk, were acting like crazed, horny lunatics.

...

We met for coffee, despite many friend's warnings and advice. And though I had been preparing a list of things I wanted to say, somehow the subject of the past did not come up. I'm still angry about a lot of the things that happened, and almost felt let down after we parted. I got all worked up for nothing. But that was probably for the best. Angry words wouldn't really make me feel all that better in the long run.

Instead we just talked. Small talk. I suppose it was all right. A little awkward.

I just wish I didn't have those little emotional relapses I'm prone to. I can be pretty masochistic when it comes to the emotions. I'm a sucker for pain.

So then I drove the demons out with the usual remedy, whiskey and beer and good friends at the The Bar.

One of these days I'll stop going out all the time. Its really hurting my body.

...

I had a productive day yesterday. I finally opened a savings account. And I'm proud of myself. Then I bought some cd's and had a beer at the Cafe while I wrote some lyrics and enjoyed the sunshine.

I'm thinking about rearranging my room tonight or tomorrow. I think I actually want to make some sort of desk situation, like a work space, instead of doing everything in my tiny room on my bed. Especially the eating thing. Yeah, I eat in bed. Gotta snap out of that habit.