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So good.
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I've just spent the last few hours rereading this entire blog I've kept (sort of kept) over the last four years.
I guess this really isn't much of a blog. Like I said on the phone, its my way of dealing/not dealing with frustrating things that happen to me, largely personal, and mostly about relationships with the ladies.
In fact, it started out, albeit ill-fatedly, as a means to vent frustrations about the workplace, mostly in an anonymous fashion, as I still possess a sense of internet paranoia today. (the, 'someone I know might find this blog and report me at work' sense). Also trying my hand at comedy, and then it turns to tragic-comedy. Further more, it started out as an attempt to also catalog what was at the time, my engagement, and how my ex-f and I were just about to really start building our lives together. That of course, did not come to pass.
I took down most of the posts pertaining to her, at least the initial posts, not because they were too painful to reread, but mainly because they were awkward. And since she knew of this blog at the time, the first ten or so posts contained edits to some of the situations, parts where I gave-in to some of her demands, and rereading them now I sort of feel a sense of shame on my part. What little backbone I had then.
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Then the blog really begins to deteriorate. The aftermath. The rebuilding, the re-socialization back into this fine community. All the smoking, the drinking, night after night at the bar. All of the struggles with dating, my fragile, futile attempts to "put my life together." To bust out of the basement of prep cookery. Sometimes I'm amazed I've made it this far.
Still, this is how my life has gone for the most part. And beyond the first awkward entries, I can't edit it now. Though at the moment I'm contemplating giving you the web address for this site. You've asked to read it. And part of me is a little afraid of what you might think, but then again, I'm hoping that this, too, can be counted as a judgement free zone. These are the events in my life, that have made me who I am today. And since you're my partner, I don't feel a strong need to hide things from you. You know, so cleverly hidden on the INTERNET. In public view.
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And why for some reason, I find it safer to shout out my personal drama into the void, I'm not sure. I've only shown this blog to a few of you who actually know me, those few of you who may or may not still check up on this thing, which is cool if you don't, I'll admit I've been very not into reading yours, nothing personal against it, I just kinda stopped reading blogs altogether. And to my ever loving spam bots, Russian spam bots really like my blog, thanks.
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Once again, I may or may not update this thing. Probably. I mean, christ, there's evidence of my 'deciding' to 'finally' break down and get netflix... in 2007! I officially just got it two months ago.
Funny, though, the last post I had written, from December 30th, 2010, I hadn't posted until tonight. I do now remember not finishing it, mainly because I was about to launch into a tirade about romantic comedies, at which point I probably decided it was best to stop. Also this post is really funny, because, well, you know, the next day/night we ended up seeing each other on the dance floor, and then kissed. And then I awkwardly pulled you aside to tell you about the girl I had been on five dates with. I just wanted you to know I wasn't a douche bag.
So read on if you must. Or do not. Skip around, stay awhile. Just know it's all honest. Fairly raw writing. I made some bad choices over the years. And some good ones. Just don't judge me!
